Passed Away Suddenly at home (Upton Pontefract) on Sunday 28th April 2019, aged 74

Much loved mum of

Paul,Christine,Sharon,Karon,

Joanne,David,

Alan,Samantha,

Nanna, Great Grandma and Sister.

Euology From Service (Pontefract Crematorium 15/05/19)  10.20 AM

Entry music: Nessum Dorma

Hello, my name is Andrea Bonser, I am a civil celebrant and it is my privilege to be here with you today.  

I would like to offer you a very warm welcome as you unite in love and friendship, not just to say goodbye but more importantly to give thanks and to celebrate the life of Sandra Martin loving mum, sister, nanna, great grandma and friend whose life sadly came to an end at her home on the on the 28 th April. 
Her sudden and unexpected death came as a shock to everyone who knew her.
 
Join your heart and minds together today so that it may lend comfort and solace those she leaves behind. Particularly to her sons and daughters Paul, Christine, Sharon, Karen, Joanne, David, Alan and Samantha and their partners.
And to her many grandchildren and great grandchildren. 
To all of you the close family and friends who have been deeply saddened by her death our thoughts are with you all. 



I know that today is a sad day, but I hope at the end of this farewell ceremony for Sandra , that you will feel glad that you took the opportunity to say goodbye in the presence of others who have known and loved her.

As we begin today I would like to share a thought with you - At birth we boarded the train and met our parents, and we believe they will always travel on our side. However, at some station our parents will step down from the train, leaving us on this journey alone.
As time goes by, other people will board the train; and they will be significant i.e. our siblings, friends, children, and even the love of your life. Many will step down and leave a permanent vacuum. Others will go so unnoticed that we don't realize they vacated their seats. This train ride will be full of joy, sorrow, fantasy, expectations, hellos, goodbyes, and farewells. Success consists of having a good relationship with all passengers requiring that we give the best of ourselves.
The mystery to everyone is: We do not know at which station we ourselves will step down. So, we must live in the best way, love, forgive, and offer the best of who we are. It is important to do this because when the time comes for us to step down and leave our seat empty we should leave behind treasured memories for those who will continue to travel on the train of life.
Th train by Jean Turbeville Sanders

Sandra left her family and friends with many treasured memories of her life, so today let us remember her as she would want to be remembered. 



Memories of someone we have loved or cared about build a special kind of bridge when they must part they span the years you shared, preserving ties of love and bring you peace of mind.  

And so today, we will remember Sandra and some of the things that made her special to you. 

In whatever capacity you knew her you have left your daily routines today and gathered here to remember the little things that you shared.
 The things that take a special place in your heart; to acknowledge some of the thoughts and feelings that well up when saddened by death. 
You all share in the sorrow of this occasion, but sadness is not the only emotion. 

You have all been touched by Sandras life; so, remember her with kindness and with warmth; Remember the happy times when you laughed and the times when you faced life’s challenges together; Reflect on her uniqueness and special qualities.  
Be grateful that Sandra was part of your lives, let that influence live on you. Take comfort from knowing that  

‘Those we love remain with us, for love itself lives on
And cherished memories never fade because a loved one’s gone
Those we love can never be more than a thought apart
For as long as there is memory, they’ll live on in the heart.’


pause

Human beings have always known that all life has its beginning and its end.  Life exists in the time span between birth and death, and life's significance lies in the experiences and satisfactions we achieve in that life span. 
Everything said today, all the memories shared, that will help us to remember the life in Sandra’s years, all come from her family who came together and planned this ceremony with so much love.

pause

I am aware however that it would be almost impossible, in just a few minutes, to portray in words the life of a woman who has lived a full life, surrounded by family and friends for 74 years 
and no portrait, no matter how good, will be a complete reflection to you who knew her.  
With the help of her family I can only sketch a picture so that you can fill in the colours to complete the portrait with your own treasured memories. 

So let us spend a few minutes now remembering her life.

Eulogy
Sandra was born in Upton on the 18th June 1944 to Edward and Doris Elliott. She was one of 5 children little sister to Les and later big sister to Norman, Sheila and Diane. She often recalled having to baby sit for her younger siblings as they were growing up. 

Sandra remained in Upton all of her life.  She enjoyed attending the local junior school where she studied hard and passed her 11 plus exams. Unfortunately, due to limited family finances she was not able to go to the Grammar school. Education was not seen as a priority generally for girls in her day. 
When she left school she went to work in the Mills in Halifax before starting her training to become a hairdresser. It was while she was working there that the met her first Husband Peter. 
Peter first saw her at the local welfare bop and then would ride past the hairdressers on his bike to catch a view of her. 
Eventually they became childhood sweetheart and married very quickly. Sandra left hairdressing and became a full-time mum following the birth of her first child Paul when she was just 18. Over the next 7 years she had 3 further children Christine, Sharon and Karen before sadly her relationship with Peter ended in divorce. 
Before long she met Brian, this was another whirlwind romance and she soon moved in with him taking her young family with her. Brian accepted all the children treating them as his own and became a very positive father figure to them all. They remember he was a great dad and had a very positive influence on their lives.  Together Sandra and Brian had two further children Joanne and David. 
Life for the young family was good for a time until sadly Brian became ill and passed away leaving Sandra with 6 children to bring up on her own, with the support of her extended family and friends. 
One of these friends was her next-door neighbour Alan. Their friendship developed over time as he became her confident, support and soul mate. In time they married and together extended the family further with the birth of twins Alan and Samantha. 
With 10 people now living in a 3 bedroomed house, life was cost. I am reliably informed there were 2 sets of bunk beds in the girls room and bunk beds and a single bed in the boys. 
Bath time in the only bathroom was a water sharing experience. First in best washed. There were minced meat pies and bubble and squeak made from any left overs.  
chips were cooked In batches . .there were arguments amongst the children not about who would get theirs first, but last,  as the last batch of chips from the fryer always came with scraps. 
Every Sunday involved a family trip out. All the kids, and their friends if they wanted to join in, would often go to ‘Rolie Polie Hill’ where they would all roll down the hill together, Sandra included. 
There are many happily family memories of these times together, enjoying the simple pleasures in life.
As the eldest of her children grew and left home they started families of their own meaning there were always children in her life. She was always happy to help out looking after them enjoying being a nanna as much as she did being a mum. 
Sadly, while the twins were still only young themselves their dad died of a brain tumour and Sandra was on her own again. She never really got over his death. 

Sandra was very independent even more so after Alans death. As her family got older and started to make their own way in life she spent more and more time with her close circle of friends. 
She was always a very strong character who shared her views with others whether they wanted to hear them or not and was always very selective about who she chose to be friends with, not everyone was welcomed into the fold!  
Sandra loved to travel with friends and over the years and went all over the world. Flying to specific destinations and spending time on cruise ships. She enjoyed being away so much it often seemed that the only came home to change her case. 
Many of the close friends that she enjoyed spending time with passed away before her over the years. 

When she was at home she loved writing poetry and painting. She was self-taught and a good artist.  She loved writing limericks that she would share with her family to make them laugh. Finding a chuckle in everyday situations She has a great sense of slap stick humour.
Being intelligent and articulate Sandra was always planning to write her life story saying it would make a good book, but living her life always took over and she never quite got around to it. 
Sandra loved dogs and always had them around as part of her life. The terrier Fritz and then her pup who I am told was very naughty. Then the Yorkies Billie and Millie. Sandra promised one of her friends that he could have Millie if anything ever happened to her. He is now the proud owner of a new dog. 
Sandra was very house proud she was always decorating, every time her family visited just like ‘changing rooms’ the wallpaper was different and the soft furnishings had been changed to match, as she expressed her creative and artistic nature. 
They never knew what colour candle to buy her for Christmas! She became frustrated towards the end of her life that she was no longed able to indulge this passion, but she was too proud to ask her family for help. 
She was always good at baking they remember her amazing chocolate and banana cake and the batches of mince pies she would bake for them to take home whenever they visited. She enjoyed her family visiting as long as it was on her terms and when it suited her.  
They remember she was always great at general knowledge and full of useless information. She was like a sponge and took everything in. A trait she passed on to some of her own family who, it appears also know words and their meanings that are beyond everyone else. Thanks to her guidance.  

We will end our tribute today with some thoughts from her eldest son Paul that he has asked me to share with you on his behalf he wrote: 

What does it mean being a Mum- Google says

‘It is a journey, which can bring joy and happiness as well as worries and challenges
Most mums work things out as they go along and grow into the role over time.’

Take a minute and put yourself in mums place, eight children all with eight different personalities and needs and on her own most of the time. She certainly had some challenges, but she also had her share of happiness.

Mum had a free spirit and allowed us all to take our own paths in life.

Mum would offer advice and counselling always knowing that we would not take it and would always follow it up by saying you learn from your mistakes

For each of your children you gave us lessons in life and independence, each one of us have our own special memory of you

For me you gave me confidence, pride and self-belief in that, if you want to achieve something-you can.

You taught me the value of respect, which I will carry with me forever.

Mum I know you are at peace now and my happy thought is that you are with Grandad in his shed, cigarette in hand.  sharing happy memories and putting the world to right as always

Goodbye Mum (Paul)

Reflection 

I know that you will each have your own wonderful and special memories of the times you spent with Sandra, 

so we are now going to pause for a moment of reflection and listen to the poignant words of one of her favourites songs. You Raise Me Up by Russel Watson. As you listen please take the opportunity to remember her in your own way and to quietly say your own goodbye. 

Start music  - You raise me up by Russel Watson  

Fade music
Sandra was not a church goer but brought up her family with Christian values so, if you feel able, please join me in sending her on her way with our best wishes and The lords Prayer. 

Our Father, who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name;
thy kingdom come;
thy will be done;
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation;
but deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom,
the power and the glory,
for ever and ever.
Amen.

We have now come to the point where it is time to say farewell to Sandra .

 The blessings, the joys, the challenges and the work, the loving and the giving - all have run their course but she will continue to live through you, for as long as you carry her with you.

In the words of the poet William Wordsworth
‘And when the stream that overflows has passed, a consciousness remains upon the silent shore of memory; 
Images and precious thoughts that shall not be and cannot be destroyed.’
pause

please stand for the committal
Walk to coffin

Committal

Sandra Martin

May the light of love shine forth upon you. May you be ever blessed with peace and understanding as you travel on, and may you come to the end of your journey in gentleness and in joy: 
In grief at your death but in gratitude for your life and for the privilege of sharing it with you, we commit your body to its natural end. 
We honour the way you lived your life, We honour your character and your humour, but most of all, we honour the love you gave your family and friends, 

With love, we leave you in peace, with respect, we bid you farewell.’

Bow and return to lectern 
Please be seated

 
Remember Me:
To the living, I am gone.
To the sorrowful, I will never return.
To the angry, I was cheated,
But to the happy, I am at peace,
And to the faithful, I have never left.
I cannot speak but I can listen
I cannot be seen, but I can be heard.
So as you stand upon a shore, gazing at a beautiful sea - remember me.
As you look upon a flower and admire its simplicity - remember me.

Remember me in your heart, your thoughts, and your memories of the times we loved,
the times we cried, the times we fought, the times we laughed.
For if you always think of me, I will never be gone.
Adapted from a poem by Margaret Mead
 You have said your final goodbye to Sandra and in a few minutes, it will be time to leave. Just outside you will see a box for donations. Any money raised will go to Marie Curie cancer care. Having lost close members of the family to cancer I know this is a cause her family are passionate about and one that was particularly close to Sandra’s heart. 

It is hoped that some of the memories that have been shared today will bring you comfort in the future and I hope you find strength and support in your love for one another and peace within yourselves; 
But you won’t have left Sandra behind she will remain in your hearts and minds for the rest of your lives. 
So talk about her often; repeat the stories about her life; treasure your memories of her and bestow those same gifts on others for they are her greatest legacy.
Let us leave our service now in reverence and in peace we will listen to the poignant words of Time to say goodbye by Andrea Bocelli and Sarah Brightman. 
When you think of Sandra again in the future let it be with fond memories and a smile, just as she would have wished. 
Start music – Time to say Goodbye 
Bow and leave